End of 2010

Hello everyone.

First let me apologize for being MIA for so long and causing many of you to worry.  I am OK, but December was a hellish month.

The problem we are facing now is that the Revlemid seems to be holding the Hodgkins at bay, but it is driving my blood counts down each cycle, so much so that I wound up in the hospital last week.

At about 10pm, Ian was tipped off by my incoherence in answering some of his questions while I was having a little melt-down. We took my temperature and I did have a fever so it was decided I would go to VGH Emergency, where they were concerned I might have an infection of some sort.

It turns out my hemoglobin had dropped to 44, so I received 4 units over the next day while they ran a lot of other tests.  While the care was more or less exemplary, I found myself becoming highly stressed in the hospital and struggle with not viewing it as a traumatic experience.

I have felt a lot of anxiety lately.  I am unsure and upset with the compromised state of my body.  I am struggling to find purpose and meaning, and how to regain some sense of normalcy in my life.  But, I know getting on here is a good start as I just haven't had the energy or inclination until now. Thank you, dear Emily.  Your visit tonight couldn't have been more timely to give me the push I need.

Love and thanks, too, to all of you who have sent, and continue to send, your messages of support and keep me in the loop with your updates despite my lack of reciprocating. I look so forward to eventually being able to remedy that.