All Quiet on the Eastern Front
It's been some time since I've written. In the earnest words of my friend G. who has also been undergoing treatment for Hodgkin's, and for whom English is a second language, "I have been under the table."
I wish I could say this was from too many mohitos, but, unfortunately, fatigue, pain, grief and anxiety invited me to join them on the Bitter Bus, and, not only did I climb on board, I was honking the horn loud and clear for some time.
For those close to me, it is usually fairly obvious when things start to go sideways. When the emails, phone calls and blogging cease, you know I've gone subterranean. I am so appreciative of all of you who continue to support and encourage me even when it is not especially gratifying to have a friend/family member who doesn't write or call back.
Of the more than two years that we have been dealing with this disease, the last few months have been some of the most trying. After everything that has happened and after not feeling good for such a long time, combined with the recent news of possibly having another transplant, the fighter in me finally felt defeated.
Cue Jimmy Cliff's "I Can See Clearly Now" here.
Thankfully, grace inevitably intervened and, somehow, we got through it. I feel back to my old self again.
It was nothing in particular that brought about this change. If anything, as is often the case, "bottoming out" ultimately offered me the time and space to reach upward - and, as always, loving arms were there to greet me when I was ready.
Now, let's get this dog and pony show back on the road.
When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as if you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that’s just the place and time that the tide’ll turn.
-Harriet Beecher Stowe